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Psikiater Pendidikan Depresi
 01 Feb 2018    12:24 WIB    1 komentar komentar
Psikiater Pendidikan Depresi
I am a second-year doctoral student in the best university in Japan. I came from one of the developing countries in south-east Asia. I received a scholarship from the Japanese government. I have 2 supervisors (SPV), first is male, and the second one is female. I am the only one student in that laboratory. When I first entered, there was a second year master student, Japanese girl, and then she graduated soon. Therefore, until now I stay in the lab just with my two of supervisors sitting next to me in the small lab. But, I only often making communication with the female SPV because she always in the lab every day and I think because the English ability of the female SPV is better than the male SPV.
I do the experiment about the biochemistry and molecular biology of the plant. Actually, this field is new for me. I did not do the experiment about this before. I only got this lecture only one chapter in the undergraduate program. And I think like the other foreigner student, I found everything is new in Japan. It is ok, I could learn more by myself. Although sometime I feel it would be easier for me if there was a friend in the lab to ask, or only for making conversation. In my country, it is a common thing, I don’t know here. My female SPV always told me that as a doctoral student, I have to do all of the things by myself, study the theory, do the experiment, etc. It is not necessary to ask the questions to other person.
My SPVs are very kind. On the first period I live in Japan, there were many help I received. My relationship was very nice, we could talk everything about daily life (especially with the female SPV). Until then, I felt so much guilty because I did so many mistakes. I am really sorry to make them very disappointed. It started when I didn’t success to get the good result in the experiments. On the every failure, I could not find the reason, so I couldn’t continue the experiment, because the female SPV always told that I have to know what is failure’s cause and the improve in the next experiment. I could not continue the experiment because I didn’t know the mistakes. I often ask for permission to continue the experiment because for me maybe I could do learning by doing. I think I could improve my work after I do several times. But she didn’t agree about that.
It happens several times until now. There are a lot of times wasted because I do nothing. I don’t have any data until now. It makes me very stress because the deadline of my scholarship only for 3 years. After stopping the experiment, I tried to make new research plan. Unfortunately, she always thinks that my plant was so poor. I couldn’t make a good one. I always been asked to study harder, seriously, because I have very little knowledge about this field, even compared to the senior high school, I am the worst. Off course, until now I always try to learn, study harder. I also make a group of study with my friend from my country. But maybe that is not enough. Perhaps, because there are so many things I have to learn. I only understand on the surface, not into deeply, basic fundamental things. It is difficult to memorize, to keep all of the knowledge for a long time in my brain. When I told this to her, she always said that it is so poor, I have low level ability, so it is difficult for me to pass the doctoral degree.
The last fatal mistake is in this winter vacation I guided a group of people to take a trip to other city, and then there was an accident. I lost my wallet and smartphone. I try to find it. That’s why I come back to the lab very late, and at that time, I didn’t contact them about my late. I left my sample contaminated. Therefore, my SPVs were very angry and I have to stop the experiment. Until now almost 1 month, I didn’t do anything, just sitting in the library (she said that I couldn’t stay to study in the lab, because the lab is not for study only for doing experiment). I am feeling stress, couldn’t find the way to fix all. I tried to recreate the new research plan, and send them by email, but I didn’t receive the reply. It is almost one week after I sent the email.
I couldn’t do anything in the lab. I feel very worry, stress thinking about this. I am afraid I cannot continue my study because my lack ability and bad relationship with the supervisors. I am afraid I have to return my scholarship. Actually at the same time before I went to this university, I also received two letter of acceptances from other universities with the funding are coming from my own country scholarship. It made me feel regret, maybe it is better for me to take the scholarship from my own country. I choose this university where I belong now is based on the consideration to maintenance the good relationship, because my senior collage also graduated from this university. Unfortunately, I made them, all of the people know me disappointed. I am very shame. I don’t know what to do. Until now there are no communications with my SPVs. I think they don’t care about me at all.
I couldn’t understand about the way of supervising here in Japan. In my country, every time I showed the plan, they always give me suggestion or correction before I do the experiment, didn’t directly rejected and been told that I couldn’t make a good plan. I really want to change my SPVs, but I have been told it is impossible because I receive the scholarship.
Now,I don’t have a courage to meet them, to talk to them. I always feel that I am not ready to talk to them because I still don’t have much knowledge to do the research. I am afraid she will ask me again how you could do this, can you change your mind, behavior. I am afraid I have been told that I am very lazy, don’t want to study or do the experiment, like she always said. It is not true, because I really want to get the doctorate. I left my husband and two little boys in my country. I really miss them. Sometimes I also worry about my husband. Because the lack of our communication, I am afraid he will get closer with his friends, especially the ladies one. I also worry about my children health growth, the education.
Would you please help to find the solution of my problems? I really need to solve my problem soon. Because the time is running and I didn’t do anything.
Thank you very much for your kind attention.
Best regards,
Aireentea